Tomorrow’s Promise leader Kaye Boehning shares how boundaries protect balance, health, and family life.
In a culture that often praises busyness and constant availability, Kaye Boehning of Tomorrow’s Promise Montessori Schools is reminding her community of the value in one small word: no.
Her weekly series, Monday Mindset, challenges both parents and professionals to consider how boundaries protect not only themselves, but also the people they serve. The most recent focus was simple but profound: you cannot please everyone, and you should not try.
Stress and Overcommitment
Boehning noted that community leaders, educators and families often find themselves stretched thin. The pressure to attend every event, take on every project, or respond to every request can quickly become overwhelming.
Research supports this. A 2024 study on workplace overcommitment found that employees who consistently take on more than they can reasonably manage face higher risks of anxiety and depression. Another study in the Journal of Occupational Medicine and Toxicology showed that emotional exhaustion is a key factor linking overcommitment with burnout and depressive symptoms among emergency medical technicians.
When people ignore their limits, both their performance and their well-being suffer. Stress can spill into personal relationships, workplace culture and even physical health.
Why Saying No Matters
Saying no can be uncomfortable. Many people worry it will damage relationships, reputations or career opportunities. But experts in psychology emphasize that declining requests when necessary is an essential part of self-care.
According to Psychology Today, learning to say no helps preserve energy for the commitments that matter most, reduces stress and builds self-esteem. Parents.com also highlights that boundaries protect not only adults, but serve as a healthy model for children who are watching and learning how to manage their own lives.
In short, the act of saying no is not selfish. It is a recognition of priorities and a safeguard against the negative effects of overextension.
Montessori Lessons in Balance
The principle connects naturally to the Montessori philosophy that guides Tomorrow’s Promise. Montessori classrooms are designed around balance, respect and pacing. Children progress at their own speed, moving forward only after mastering a concept. Teachers provide guidance but avoid overwhelming students with tasks beyond their readiness.
In the same way, adults must practice pacing themselves. Taking on too much too soon leads to frustration and mistakes, just as pushing a child ahead too quickly undermines their learning. Saying no is, in essence, giving yourself the space to learn, recover and serve well.
Practical Ways to Say No
For those unaccustomed to setting boundaries, Boehning emphasized that learning to say no is a process. Experts recommend several approaches:
- Prioritize essentials. Identify the commitments most aligned with your values, family or professional goals. Let those guide your decisions.
- Respond with kindness. A respectful “thank you, but I’m unable to right now” is often all that’s needed. Overexplaining can create guilt rather than clarity.
- Recognize limits. If stress levels are already high, another commitment will likely reduce effectiveness elsewhere.
- Offer alternatives. If appropriate, suggest another way the request can be met, whether through a different timeline or another person.
- Practice consistently. Boundaries become easier when they are applied regularly. Each “no” reinforces the balance needed for long-term health.
Broader Impact on the Community
The lesson extends beyond individual lives. Communities, schools and organizations function best when people are committed but not overburdened. Volunteers who feel valued and not overwhelmed are more likely to stay engaged. Employees with healthy boundaries are more productive and satisfied. Parents who pace themselves provide calmer and more stable homes.
Tomorrow’s Promise has seen this philosophy at work in both classrooms and community events. Even when minor glitches occur during large gatherings, attendees often remember the overall joy and purpose of the occasion—not the imperfections. That perspective reflects the Monday Mindset: focus on what matters most and let go of the rest.
The Takeaway
This week’s Monday Mindset is a call to pause before saying yes. Consider the commitments already on your plate, the time available for rest and family, and the priorities that matter most. Saying no is not a rejection of others—it is a way of saying yes to balance, peace and effectiveness.
Boehning’s reminder carries weight in a busy world: you cannot please everyone all the time, and you should not try. What you can do is serve faithfully where you are called, while respecting the boundaries that keep you healthy.
As with children in a Montessori classroom, growth comes best when the pace is right, the environment is balanced and limits are respected. That lesson, Boehning says, is just as important for adults as it is for students.
References
- Coelho, D. et al. “Effort-Reward and Overcommitment at Work and Psychiatric Symptoms.” National Center for Biotechnology Information, 2024.
- Manns, L., Vögele, C., Stammet, P., & Schulz, A. “Effort-reward-imbalance, burnout, and physical pain mediate the relationship between overcommitment and depression in German emergency medical technicians.” Journal of Occupational Medicine and Toxicology, 2025.
- Psychology Today. “The Power of Saying No.” 2021.
- Parents.com. “Why Saying ‘No’ To Things is Good For Your Mental Health.” 2023.
- Carebridge. “Help Overcommitted Employees Find Better Balance.” 2022.
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